Happy Sunday ya'll.
Today's post will be about my spiritual journey. This is something I've kept to myself for the past four and half years. I'm not sure why I have but I have a feeling that now is the time to share the full story. Plus this is a blog about spirituality right?
My spiritual journey started in 2014. I just went vegan and was beginning to discover alternatives to curing my disordered eating and anxiety. It was also my senior of high school and I felt a sudden pressure to get accepted into all the best schools. It was ridiculous. I remember telling myself I had to apply to five or six schools. Why? I'm not sure. Nevertheless, I stumbled upon meditation as I discovered vegan YouTubers.
Now let me tell you, my first meditation wasn't the greatest. It took time to find the process that worked for me. I followed the myth that meditation is about "blocking your thoughts" when it's really about letting thoughts pass and building gratitude. I realized I was doing this wrong when I got the Head Space app. It was quite awkward when I discovered that.
So every morning I would get up and meditate for fifteen minutes. I would feel my heart rate slow down and realize that everything is okay. There's nothing wrong in this moment. Eventually my life started to come back together. Well, spiritually at least. I still had some mental blocks to work through.
Now flash forward to 2015. I had just gotten into college and was feeling nervous about the whole situation. I didn't know if college was right for me. Plus it was the first time I'd be away from my family and actually be taking care of myself. This was the time I fell out of my meditation practice. I didn't do my homework when it came to the facts of meditation if that makes sense. That is, I didn't lay my belief system for meditating like I did with veganism.
This hiatus lasted for about a year and half. Yes, people you heard me right. I didn't manifest anything for a year and half. Don't get me wrong I still did things but I wasn't taking control of my life the way I should have.
It wasn't until the beginning of 2017 did I feel a need to start my practice again. Social media was getting to me and I was waking up feeling groggy. I wanted to stop feeling like this and clear my mind of negative energy. Furthermore my personal life was falling apart. Or at least that's how it felt. A few people in my life passed away and I needed to build healthy habits in grieving. I had to remind myself that my mission as a human was still valuable. That I could spread the vegan message, become a traveler of sorts, and still be a theatre person.
Now this was not easy because I didn't want to deal with my emotions. I felt my anxiety coming back. Hard. I didn't want to face my reality because I was used living in my own world. Also I was so used to blocking my feelings that I had to have a tough conversation with me, myself, and I. I told myself that my sanity was worth fighting for and that the universe had my back. That my hiatus didn't matter. It was more about the present moment than anything else. This idea stuck with me and that summer I began to read various self-help books on relationships and, well, being present (as if I hadn't said that word enough). I also began taking ballet classes which gave me time to think. Think about what I wanted and who I wanted to be.
My meditation practice grew immensely during this time. I made it (and still make it a priority) to sit and manifest what I want for the day. Some days it feels it's not working but I know that it is. I remind myself that the universe has a plan for me and I must have trust in that plan. Moreover these books taught me lessons on life that I believe our society needs.
Today, I continue refer to these resources in times of need. I find other meditations for my stress, judgement, grieving, and many others. The judgement meditations are new so I am definitely going to do a blog post related to that in the coming month. I also do META and Transcendental meditation. Now I am still newbie and will continue to be because I'm discovering new things about myself everyday. My gratitude for the world and people around me is so great that it's difficult to get me in a bad mood. Seriously.
Like I said before I felt a need to share it with ya'll. I feel like spiritual people are seen as perfect beings when in reality we have our flaws. Including me, a person who went on an unintentional hiatus and identity crisis. Yet it turned out to be one of the best things to ever happen to me.
I hope ya'll enjoyed this story and have a great day/night wherever you are. Or to make things shorter namaste.